Secret Diary – 3-12 Sep

Friday, 14 September 2001, 0:00
3 mins read

Monday 3 September

A quieter day today as we haven’t played football for a while. Alan and I spent the day looking for Players. We went to Asda, Tescos, Sainsburys and finally Kwik Save before we found any. I bought 400 of them to keep me going for a while.

Tuesday 4 September

Jason Smith is supposedly going to University. Mr Lewis tells me that he has got a good deal to put to Jason which will ensure he won’t get any student loans. I told him that I wouldn’t want to lose young Jason but Cambridge is one of the best universities in the country and if he wanted to further his education then he could.

Wednesday 5 September

Went to bingo in the afternoon, they do a good deal where you can get free fish and chips if you play the national game. It was quite strange, I was very close to winning but when they called the number I needed, I couldn’t decide whether it was better than any of the other numbers I had and the old lady next to me won.

Thursday 6 September

I was looking at that internet thing today and had to laugh. I have been here three years now but still people get my name wrong. All over the place it said John Hollinsout this and John Hollinsout that. There must be a fair few of them on the internet as I have also heard people call me that when singing my name. I might get that nice Mr Owen to put a statement on the club’s web thingy to say that it is HOLLINS not HOLLINSOUT.

Friday 7 September

The papers were talking about the return of John today. It’s quite strange I haven’t been anywhere. Well, other than Marks and Spencers anyway. You would swear it’s like a heroes return, I wonder if previous managers have found the press this strange.

Saturday 8 September

The crowd must be starting to like me. As we came out onto the pitch today they were singing "Super John" which is a marked improvement on the Hollins Sort It Out chant. Finally, my style of football is winning them round. To celebrate we beat Exeter 4-2 which means that we remain unbeaten in the League at home and also in the first half of games.

Sunday 9 September

I spent the day looking at the newspapers and working out the league tables. I was pleasantly surprised to see that if we had won every single one of our games we would be top of the table. I dug out last season’s table and was more surprised to see that if we had won just 34 games last season we would have been promoted. Spooky or what?

Monday 10 September

Young Stuart is getting the travel bug again. Last time it was Rotherham now he wants to go to Birmingham. He has got funny ideas of nice holiday destinations. I would go to Ibiza personally. Mr Lewis says Birmingham should come to him which is just silly, can you really imagine a whole city driving down the M4. Be a good crows mind if they did.

Tuesday 11 September

Took the players on another bus ride today, this time to Plymouth. I wanted to stop at Torquay as I’ve heard it’s nice this time of year but the driver insisted that we went to Plymouth. It’s lucky we did as Mr Lewis had arranged a game of football for us. Some people sung "Hollinsout tomorrow" but I told them that I have no plans to change my name by deedpoll tomorrow or for quite a while yet.

Wednesday 12 September

I was called into see Mr Lewis today. He wanted to tell me something. I was a bit worried at first but I needn’t have been so as he told me to take some time off. I did explain that we had some games coming up and, as manager, I really should be here but Mr Lewis said that he had someone who could step in for a while and that if I went away for a while things may change. While we were talking about this I asked him if he could tell people about them getting my name wrong and he assured me that if I took his advice people would stop calling me Hollinsout all the time. I asked him when I should come back and he said he’ll let me know. He also suggested that I clear my desk before I go which I presume means that they want to clean my office while I am away. Hope they don’t scratch the new paintwork.

I was just about to leave when Mr Lewis asked if he could also have the keys to my car so that must be going in for a service. He’s quite clever doing all of this while I am away.

While I was leaving, there were people at the gates waving me off. It’s a lovely place Swansea – so hospitable. I know I am accepted here as they were giving me the two fingered wave that I get so often from the fans. Mr Lewis was in the window as I left so I gave him the special Swansea wave and then blew him a kiss.

Such a nice man, I’m looking forward to my holiday. I’ve worked hard in the last three years and if you take away 65 games I am unbeaten since I came here.

Anyone know what good riddance means?

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