BJB – Day 11 – JackArmy.net

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02.06.03 – 6.24am – Steve Watkin gets up early to practice for the task on Wednesday. Things start well when he puts the first one in off the post but soon go rapidly downhill as his boot flies off with the second kick and the ball heads towards the chickens. The pressure is clearly getting to him.

02.06.03 – 8.12am – Peter Owen is second up and he walks into the kitchen to find Steve Watkin facing the wrong way down on the sofa crying his eyes out. Peter is more distraught at missing out on a "Watkin follows in Gazza’s footsteps" headline then worrying what is wrong with him. He makes himself a cup of tea instead.

02.06.03 – 9.43am – All the housemates are up with the exception of Leigh Dineen. Leighton James is starting his PR campaign to take over a chairman of the Supporter’s Trust. He believes that Leigh is not the man for the job and it can only be an ex professional footballer that can do the job. He points out to the housemates the failings that he sees in Leigh "He’s not ginger, he’s not on the radio and he never played for Burnley – how can that do the job" Nick Rees mutters something under his breath which draws this response from Leighton "How can the duck be off Nick? We haven’t got any"

02.06.03 – 11.01am – Myra is helping Leon Britton do his colouring in. She has collected her array of nail varnishes and hair colourings to help him colour in a picture of a donkey that she has drawn. The housemates can’t help notice the similarity between the picture and John Williams.

02.06.03 – 12.42pm – It’s back to the garden and time for John Hollins to put his coaching skills to work to help Watkin pass the task this week. He starts with the basics "Steve this is a ……" before pausing. He turns to Myra and whispers something before looking at Watkin and saying "that’s right a ball". He goes on to tell Watkin that if he scores three times then it is one more than two and he believes that Steve can score all three. Watkin starts to believe him until Jason Smith mumbles "aye and you thought we could win all nine and stay up as well" Watkin’s confidence suddenly disappears.

02.06.03 – 2.02pm – There is a breakthrough in the task – Watkin is improving. James Thomas and Leigh have come up with the idea that Watkin should be aiming to miss the goal. It’s working he has scored twice in his last 31 attempts – a far better strike rate then he has managed so far.

02.06.03 – 3.43pm – There is commotion outside the house it appears that someone is trying to get in. The housemates are all moved into the house while BJB security look for the intruder. It is later revealed outside the house that it wss just Brian Flynn looking to talk to Jason Smith.

02.06.03 – 5.12pm – The housemates are playing a game of "guess who I am doing an impression of" Leigh’s one is easy as he walks around the house pocketing everything in sight – "Mike Lewis" shout the housemates. Next up is Peter who simply says ‘I am Wales’ – "Sam Hammam" guess the others to a nod from Peter. Myra’s impression of Camilla Parker Bowles keeps the housemates guessing for a while until she says "I like to ride Wales". John Hollins is last to have a turn but a near disaster strikes when he trips over Leon Britton when he tries to stand up. "Jason Smith" shout the rest of the housemates bar Nick who states that he ‘used to do a poor impression of a football manager’

02.06.03 – 9.33pm – For some reason the housemates decide that they are missing Reeco and, maybe it was the alcohol that did it, they decide to hold a ‘talk like Reeco’ conversation. John Williams starts off "HMNIJAIQLIITH" and the conversation soon flows. It’s only about twenty minutes later that they realise they have no idea what they are talking about. BJB makes a mental note to seriously ration alcohol orders in the future.

02.06.03 – 10.12pm – Steve Watkin bursts in from the garden to announce that he has just scored four shots in succession. The housemates all head into the garden to see the evidence. There are no balls in the back of the goal net and ask Watkin why not if he has scored four in succession. Watkin proudly leads them to the chicken coop and points to the middle. It takes a few seconds but they realise that the ‘o’ should have been an ‘i’ in the word shot. Leighton James can’t help himself as he slaps Watkin. Twice. Hard. In the testicles.

02.06.03 – 10.43pm – James Thomas comes to the diary room to ask if they can re-consider their bet on the completion of the weekly task. Big Jack Brother advises him that once a decision is made then you can’t go back on it and you stick by it even if it is wrong. James Thomas decides that Big Jack brother is a relation of John Hollins.

02.06.03 – 11.30pm – It’s a makeshift pack of cards that the housemates are playing with now and a round of strip poker. The game doesn’t last long though – Myra can’t play poker and it’s all too much for the housemates to bear.

03.06.03 – 12.42am – The housemates are all safely tucked up in bed. John Hollins is the guilty snorer tonight. It’s a strange snoring sound mind – the inhale comes very easily but the exhaling takes some thinking about. Peter Owen talks Nick Rees out of holding a pillow over John’s head.

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