BJB – Day 12 – JackArmy.net

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03.06.03 – 8.22am – All housemates are up early to try and help Steve Watkin practice for tomorrow’s tasks. Myra comes up with the simple solution that Watkin should start his run-up by running away from goal. The theory is with this one that Watkin will run to the ball and turn and hit it in the opposite direction – thus into the goal. This works perfectly twice until on the third attempt, Watkin takes a pot shot at the chicken coop. Luckily for the chickens his natural shooting aim is as good as ever and the ball sails over the Big Jack Brother garden walls. Nick is sent to the diary room to ask if they can have their ball back.

03.06.03 – 9.41am – Peter Owen makes the group breakfast. He becomes the first, and therefore ‘exclusive’, cooker of pancakes with sugar and lemon inside the house. Three million people are reporting to be gathering outside the house every minute to watch the action inside the house.

03.06.03 – 11.22am – Leon Britton is at an advanced stage of talks with Leigh Dineen over returning to Swansea next season. Britton is now able to say the word ‘elephant’ without pausing for hesitation but talks break down when they reach ‘giraffe’

03.06.03 – 12.01pm – More shooting practice in the garden. All the housemates are now taking part in the hope that Watkin will learn something. Even Leighton James has scored three in a row when he takes it upon himself to teach Watkin what to do "I’m the best at this and this lad could learn a lot from me" he exclaims as the rest of the housemates leave him to it.

03.06.03 – 2.12pm – Bad news in the house. Watkin still cannot score three in a row but he now believes he is the best person ever outside of Llanelli. He is questioning John Hollins on why he (Watkin) has never been picked for his country and teaching him the skills of football management. He announces that he will preach his gospel to the world via National Radio and also claims that Brian Flynn was wrong to release Andy Mumford.

03.06.03 – 2.43pm – The housemates consider the possibility of conceding defeat in this week’s task but decide that they should give it one more chance as anyone can get lucky three times – just ask Aiden Newhouse about his Brighton debut! They let Watkin rest for a while (next to John Williams of course)

03.06.03 – 3.34pm – Jason Smith is telling the housemates his favourite joke. "A man walks into a bar. Ouch!, it was an iron bar" and proceeds to kill himself laughing over it. Sadly for him he laughs too much and pulls three muscles in his side.

03.06.03 – 4.42pm – John Williams is struggling to read the instructions on a packet of Cornflakes. He announces that he has a lazy eye – no-one is at all surprised.

03.06.03 – 6.27pm – One final lot of shooting practice for Steve Watkin before they give up for the night. The housemates decide that blinkers may be a good idea so that he can ‘focus on the target in sight’ They seem to work well as Watkin fires the first one into the centre of the net but flaws in the plan are soon evident when he runs into the kitchen and attaches a nose bag to him. The housemates are really worried now, what will tomorrow’s task bring…….?

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