|
Poster Profiles – Matt_the_Jack |
|
JackArmy.net accepts no liability for the inaccuracy of any poster profile. They are written with humour in mind and we cannot guarantee the accuracy of the information contained nor the similarity in the pictures used. POSTER PROFILE – MATT_THE_JACK Matthew Jack Statfreak Phillips was born in Swansea on a cold winters day back in the late 1980s at precisely 8.42pm and two little duck seconds. The man alive number five child of (Kelly’s Eye) Wan and Dirty Gertie (the number thirty) Phillips he picked up statistics and pedanticness from a very early age. Indeed when Dirty Gertie was playing with him shortly before his one little duck, number two birthday she was encouraging him to say his first words. She was reading him his book and encouraging him to say what he saw when he came out with his first words “Actually mater it is a pig not a oink oink. Pigs were first domesticated in China at least 9,000 years ago. There are references to pigs in Biblical writings as early as 1500 BC. Both Greeks and Romans ate pork and historical and legendary accounts refer to the keeping of swine in Britain as early as 800 BC. ” and from that point forward he never looked back. Unfortunately for his parents who were forced to re-write such classic nursery rhymes such as humpty dumpty who could not be put back together and most definitely not by a group of horses and The Cat and the fiddle was changed completely as Matthew pointed out that it was physically impossible for a cow to jump over the moon. Matthew is indeed a distant relation to fellow Stat freaks Statto from Fantasy Football and John Motson although rumours that he is the lovechild of either one are categorically denied by all parties. On his third birthday he was presented with a sheepskin coat and item that he still owns to this day and it hangs proudly on his bedroom wall at home. And it was during his early school years that he stumbled on the internet much to his teachers disgust as he proceeded to work through and memorise every piece of information on the internet. His bedroom wall is plastered not with wallpaper or paint but every web address on there, the date they were created and a full index of what each site contains. Matthew is indeed known as Google to his close friends and most of his family. Sadly for him he is a much poorer relation to the real thing although they do pay him a royalty every year as Google is based on his own abilities. The biggest disappointment in Matthew’s life was being turned down for the main part in the first Harry Potter film (see picture for audition photo) and with that disappointment he turned to football as his new love. And after an extensive search of the south facing wall of his bedroom he stumbled across JackArmy.net where he started to pass on his knowledge of the beautiful game to the rest of us mere peasants who know nothing. In his spare time, you will always find Matthew with the blue rinses in the bingo halls of Swansea. Myra and Joyce were big fans of Matthew’s calling abilities and shared many a conversation in the club shop over his magic balls much to the delight of all passing customers. Matthew though is in danger of losing his position as Wales’ greatest caller due to his constant referring to the numbers 1-49 with a ‘voice of the balls comment’ of how many times it has been drawn. And that, oh JackArmy.net public is the poster that is matt_the_jack Favourite Food: Gala Bingo Fish and Chips Favourite Drink: Gala Bingo Diet Cola Most Likely To Say: “Two and eight, twenty-eight” Least Likely To Say: “I’m afraid I don’t know the answer” All Time Hero: Jeff Stelling Favourite Visiting Fan: StagmaD Swansea’s Version Of: Armchair_Blue but with more stats WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THIS SERIES? CLICK HERE TO E-MAIL US YOUR OWN POSTER PROFILES. PLEASE USE THE ABOVE AS A GUIDELINE TO WHAT WE ARE LOOKING FOR You May Like |