Well, well, well, isn’t it a grand old day in Welsh football? Or perhaps, for some, a day tinged with a peculiar, almost unacknowledged sadness. Yes, I’m talking about that gaping hole in the Championship fixture list, the one where the Swansea City versus Cardiff City derby used to sit, radiating an aura of intense, often unhinged, local rivalry. Oh, how we’ll miss them. Or, you know, maybe not.
Let’s be honest, the South Wales derby is less about exquisite football and more about the kind of tribalistic fervour that would make a Roman gladiator raise an eyebrow. It’s an annual, or bi-annual, opportunity for grown men and women to hurl creative insults and questionable hand gestures at each other, all while pretending their team’s utterly pedestrian performance is a stroke of genius. And now… nothing. Just… emptiness. A void where a Bluebird once flew, probably in a slightly off-kilter, bewildered fashion.
Think of the build-up! The incessant chatter on social media, websites and radio, dissecting every misplaced pass from the previous game as if it were a coded message from MI6. The pre-match interviews where managers, through gritted teeth and forced smiles, would insist it was “just another game,” while their eyes betrayed the wild, untamed glint of a man about to send his troops into a particularly muddy and ill-tempered skirmish. And the fans! Oh, the fans. Weeks of meticulous planning, not for their holiday, but for the optimal route to the stadium, the most effective chant repertoire, and the precise moment to unleash that one particularly cutting remark about the opposition’s questionable dental hygiene.
And what about the football itself? A connoisseur’s delight, truly. Ninety minutes of agricultural challenges, baffling refereeing decisions, and the occasional moment of genuine brilliance usually overshadowed by a full-scale wrestling match in the centre circle. It’s the kind of game where you spend more time wondering if anyone’s going to get a booking for “unsporting conduct” (read: giving someone the evils) than admiring a silky through-ball.
But let’s not get too misty-eyed, shall we? Because while the absence of the Bluebirds from our Championship calendar might feel like losing that particularly annoying cousin who fails to turn up at Christmas dinner, there’s a certain… relief. The pre-match nerves that turn your stomach into a knot of writhing snakes? Gone. The post-match dissection of every single controversial moment, replayed in excruciating slow-motion for days on end? A distant memory. The sheer exhaustion of caring that much about a game that rarely lives up to the hype? Vanished, like a Cardiff City striker’s goalscoring touch.
And let’s not forget the sheer statistical anomaly that is the South Wales derby. It’s a rivalry so fiercely contested, so evenly matched in its capacity for mutual exasperation, that only one side has ever achieved the coveted “double” in a league season. Yes, you heard that right. One. Albeit that one side has done it twice. In all the years of two sets of fans practically frothing at the mouth over bragging rights, only one team has managed to win both league fixtures in a single campaign. (did I say twice?) It’s less a footballing rivalry and more a perpetual stalemate, a cosmic joke played by the football gods on two sets of incredibly passionate, incredibly stubborn supporters. It’s the kind of statistic that makes you wonder if the universe itself just can’t be bothered to pick a definitive winner. It’s like watching two toddlers repeatedly headbutt a marshmallow – lots of effort, minimal impact.
Now, I’m not saying which team achieved that legendary feat. That would be uncouth, and frankly, I don’t want to prematurely end this comedic masterpiece by inciting a riot amongst my readers. But let’s just say, for one (sorry, two) glorious season(s), one side managed to elevate themselves above the general chaos and claim undisputed supremacy, at least for a few months. And then, presumably, everything went back to normal, with both teams resuming their roles as masters of the infuriating draw or the narrow, unconvincing victory.
So, while some might shed a single, solitary tear into their half-eaten pasty at the thought of Cardiff City’s absence, I for one am choosing to look on the bright side. Think of all the extra emotional energy we’ll have! We can finally direct it towards truly important things, like perfecting our sourdough starter, mastering the art of interpretive dance, or perhaps even learning to tolerate our in-laws. The possibilities are endless!
And let’s be truly magnanimous here. While we, the mighty Swans, will be battling it out in the Championship and striving for glory, Cardiff City will have their own exciting new challenges. They’ll be down in League One, rubbing shoulders with some fascinating new opponents. And what’s more, they’ll have a brand-new derby to sink their teeth into!
Yes, forget the titanic clashes with Swansea. Forget the historical baggage and the incessant need to prove who’s the top dog in South Wales. Because Cardiff City now have… Exeter City!
Imagine the scene. Two passionate sets of fans, both geographically challenged by the M5, converging for a clash of titans. The pride of the Welsh capital versus the pride of… well, Exeter. It’s a derby so fresh, so untainted by years of bitterness, that it practically sparkles with untouched potential. Now it’s “the Taffs” versus… “the Grecians”? (I’m not entirely sure what Exeter’s nickname is, but it sounds suitably ancient and slightly unthreatening).
Think of the new chants! The new rivalries! The opportunity for Cardiff fans to learn the intricate geography of Devon. It’s a whole new world of footballing excitement! They’ll be debating the best pasty shops in Exeter, critiquing the local cider, and probably still complaining about the referee, because some things never change.
So, while a small, almost imperceptible part of me might, just might, secretly miss the peculiar brand of chaos that the South Wales derby brought, the overwhelming feeling is one of profound peace. We’ve done our time. We’ve endured the emotional rollercoaster. And now, as Cardiff City embark on their thrilling new adventure with Exeter, we can wave them off with a genuine smile.
Because, let’s be brutally honest, we won’t miss them at all. Not one little bit. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I hear there’s a particularly exciting League One fixture involving a team from the south-west of England… and I’m suddenly feeling a strange urge to learn about their local delicacies. It’s a beautiful game, isn’t it? Even when you’re not playing in it.
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