Not sure of a title for this.

[exiledclaseboy]

That’s quite a post, Squarebear. Genuine thanks for sharing that.

 

[Darran]

Christmas Eve 2014. His mates were meeting at the village pub. But he wasn't feeling up to it. Telling his mum he was popping out for a while he drove a few miles to a lake. It had been his and his (by then ex-)girlfriend's special place. Connecting a length of piping to his exhaust, he shut himself inside his car and started the engine.

He was 21. My only child.

And that could have been the family Christmas to end family Christmasses. but we caught a break. I don't know who it was, male/female, old/young but one of the police/paramedics said something about a passing motorist stopping for a pee and raising the alarm.
My boy would live on.

And live on he does. I count my blessings every day. But nine years on the vulnerability that led him to that place is still in him, his confidence hanging by a thread, any setback seeming to floor him.

He'll go weeks without making contact. Without intending to make this about me it's a total mindf*ck. Is he punishing his parents for divorcing? For the mistakes we've made? Has he just broken up with his latest squeeze? Perhaps he's on a stag weekend in Prague? Or all of the above?

A few years back a mate lost his son to suicide (following numerous failed attempts). At the funeral my mate and his daughters, broken though they were, all seemed somewhat resigned to the inevitability of his demise. It seemed bizarre but in amongst their raw pain was the smallest tinge of relief that their interminable angst had been replaced; uncertainty displaced by certainty.

And that's my problem with campaigns such as this. They're oversimplifying. Because mental illness is really f*cking exhausting. Both for the sufferers and their nearest and dearest. And it seems never-ending.

My best mate suffered depression throughout his adult life. I bloody loved this man. I miss him every day. I still "talk" to him most days. He had no problem sharing details of his problems, the treatments (medicinal and therapy-based) he'd explored. Though nothing seemed to help. He'd talk about walking to the bus stop and wrestling with whether to step in front of a passing lorry, to end his pain. As much as I made myself available to listen to him it made no discernible difference. He claimed he'd read every self help book in Waterstones, tried every drug prescribed. I loved him, but it got very wearing being there for him, feeling utterly impotent; unresolved conversations on repeat.

It's a nice ad. A conversation starter. I hope it helps someone.

Brilliant post.

 

[Neath_Jack]

Christmas Eve 2014. His mates were meeting at the village pub. But he wasn't feeling up to it. Telling his mum he was popping out for a while he drove a few miles to a lake. It had been his and his (by then ex-)girlfriend's special place. Connecting a length of piping to his exhaust, he shut himself inside his car and started the engine.

He was 21. My only child.

And that could have been the family Christmas to end family Christmasses. but we caught a break. I don't know who it was, male/female, old/young but one of the police/paramedics said something about a passing motorist stopping for a pee and raising the alarm.
My boy would live on.

And live on he does. I count my blessings every day. But nine years on the vulnerability that led him to that place is still in him, his confidence hanging by a thread, any setback seeming to floor him.

He'll go weeks without making contact. Without intending to make this about me it's a total mindf*ck. Is he punishing his parents for divorcing? For the mistakes we've made? Has he just broken up with his latest squeeze? Perhaps he's on a stag weekend in Prague? Or all of the above?

A few years back a mate lost his son to suicide (following numerous failed attempts). At the funeral my mate and his daughters, broken though they were, all seemed somewhat resigned to the inevitability of his demise. It seemed bizarre but in amongst their raw pain was the smallest tinge of relief that their interminable angst had been replaced; uncertainty displaced by certainty.

And that's my problem with campaigns such as this. They're oversimplifying. Because mental illness is really f*cking exhausting. Both for the sufferers and their nearest and dearest. And it seems never-ending.

My best mate suffered depression throughout his adult life. I bloody loved this man. I miss him every day. I still "talk" to him most days. He had no problem sharing details of his problems, the treatments (medicinal and therapy-based) he'd explored. Though nothing seemed to help. He'd talk about walking to the bus stop and wrestling with whether to step in front of a passing lorry, to end his pain. As much as I made myself available to listen to him it made no discernible difference. He claimed he'd read every self help book in Waterstones, tried every drug prescribed. I loved him, but it got very wearing being there for him, feeling utterly impotent; unresolved conversations on repeat.

It's a nice ad. A conversation starter. I hope it helps someone.

Probably the best post I’ve ever read on here. You’ve articulated it so much better than I ever could. Thanks for that.

 

[WxmJax]

It's happened twice within our family, once the day after becoming engaged on Christmas Day. Still think why didn't I see it.

 

[K23]

Christmas Eve 2014. His mates were meeting at the village pub. But he wasn't feeling up to it. Telling his mum he was popping out for a while he drove a few miles to a lake. It had been his and his (by then ex-)girlfriend's special place. Connecting a length of piping to his exhaust, he shut himself inside his car and started the engine.

He was 21. My only child.

And that could have been the family Christmas to end family Christmasses. but we caught a break. I don't know who it was, male/female, old/young but one of the police/paramedics said something about a passing motorist stopping for a pee and raising the alarm.
My boy would live on.

And live on he does. I count my blessings every day. But nine years on the vulnerability that led him to that place is still in him, his confidence hanging by a thread, any setback seeming to floor him.

He'll go weeks without making contact. Without intending to make this about me it's a total mindf*ck. Is he punishing his parents for divorcing? For the mistakes we've made? Has he just broken up with his latest squeeze? Perhaps he's on a stag weekend in Prague? Or all of the above?

A few years back a mate lost his son to suicide (following numerous failed attempts). At the funeral my mate and his daughters, broken though they were, all seemed somewhat resigned to the inevitability of his demise. It seemed bizarre but in amongst their raw pain was the smallest tinge of relief that their interminable angst had been replaced; uncertainty displaced by certainty.

And that's my problem with campaigns such as this. They're oversimplifying. Because mental illness is really f*cking exhausting. Both for the sufferers and their nearest and dearest. And it seems never-ending.

My best mate suffered depression throughout his adult life. I bloody loved this man. I miss him every day. I still "talk" to him most days. He had no problem sharing details of his problems, the treatments (medicinal and therapy-based) he'd explored. Though nothing seemed to help. He'd talk about walking to the bus stop and wrestling with whether to step in front of a passing lorry, to end his pain. As much as I made myself available to listen to him it made no discernible difference. He claimed he'd read every self help book in Waterstones, tried every drug prescribed. I loved him, but it got very wearing being there for him, feeling utterly impotent; unresolved conversations on repeat.

It's a nice ad. A conversation starter. I hope it helps someone.

Bloody hell, Squarebear man, I found that a really tough read but 100% respect to you for posting that and for being able to post that. I'm sure many on here feel your pain and I'm one of them.

 

[K23]

If this thread teaches us anything, it needs us all to be honest about certain things and hopefully, Squarebear's courage and honesty will be an example to us all. This is my own encounter with mental illness.

My wife and I have been married for nearly 33 years and during the last 12 years, she has been sectioned 4 times - 2011, 2014 and twice in 2017 - and has been taken into hospital care against her will on each occasion which believe me, is a very harrowing thing to witness. She only avoided another in 2013 when I managed to persuade her to go into hospital voluntarily without needing to be sectioned.

My wife suffers from anorexia nervosa. I say "she suffers" but she doesn't really because she's in permanent denial about it, it's everyone else close to her that suffers. I have no idea how close she may or may not have come to death during the last 12 years but each time she was detained because she was considered to be at too great a risk. She spent most of 2017, about 8 months in total, detained in several hospitals before being discharged just before Christmas that year. It included 2 spells in a general hospital ward, 2 spells in a secure psychiatric ward and finally 3 months in a secure specialist eating disorder unit in Exeter. She's been out of hospital for nearly 6 years now, half of which was under a Community Treatment Order, where she could still legally be recalled under Section 17A of the Mental Health Act but allowed to live at home.

Most people don't even think of anorexia as a mental illness because all they can see are the obvious physical consequences and think it's the result of a decision by the sufferer to starve themselves to near death but the reality is that there is no conscious decision involved, and if it were that simple, it would be relatively easy to reverse the process. But part of the problem is that the sufferer is often unaware of it which makes it almost impenetrable as it's very difficult to cure someone of something they don't even believe they have. Her psychiatric care team spent about 9-10 years talking to her, trying to find out how or why or if there's anything that triggers it but she wouldn't engage and they got absolutely nowhere.

Nowadays, she's just content to muddle along while I have become her live-in carer but it's not a problem for me at all because there is nothing I wouldn't do for her under any circumstances and there never was but she's now clearly less physically capable than she was before all this started. However, I do have an uneasy feeling that she might be on a downward slope again which would be such a shame after 6 years out of hospitals so I just hope there isn't another bridge to be crossed at some point in the future.

 

[Darran]

If this thread teaches us anything, it needs us all to be honest about certain things and hopefully, Squarebear's courage and honesty will be an example to us all. This is my own encounter with mental illness.

My wife and I have been married for nearly 33 years and during the last 12 years, she has been sectioned 4 times - 2011, 2014 and twice in 2017 - and has been taken into hospital care against her will on each occasion which believe me, is a very harrowing thing to witness. She only avoided another in 2013 when I managed to persuade her to go into hospital voluntarily without needing to be sectioned.

My wife suffers from anorexia nervosa. I say "she suffers" but she doesn't really because she's in permanent denial about it, it's everyone else close to her that suffers. I have no idea how close she may or may not have come to death during the last 12 years but each time she was detained because she was considered to be at too great a risk. She spent most of 2017, about 8 months in total, detained in several hospitals before being discharged just before Christmas that year. It included 2 spells in a general hospital ward, 2 spells in a secure psychiatric ward and finally 3 months in a secure specialist eating disorder unit in Exeter. She's been out of hospital for nearly 6 years now, half of which was under a Community Treatment Order, where she could still legally be recalled under Section 17A of the Mental Health Act but allowed to live at home.

Most people don't even think of anorexia as a mental illness because all they can see are the obvious physical consequences and think it's the result of a decision by the sufferer to starve themselves to near death but the reality is that there is no conscious decision involved, and if it were that simple, it would be relatively easy to reverse the process. But part of the problem is that the sufferer is often unaware of it which makes it almost impenetrable as it's very difficult to cure someone of something they don't even believe they have. Her psychiatric care team spent about 9-10 years talking to her, trying to find out how or why or if there's anything that triggers it but she wouldn't engage and they got absolutely nowhere.

Nowadays, she's just content to muddle along while I have become her live-in carer but it's not a problem for me at all because there is nothing I wouldn't do for her under any circumstances and there never was but she's now clearly less physically capable than she was before all this started. However, I do have an uneasy feeling that she might be on a downward slope again which would be such a shame after 6 years out of hospitals so I just hope there isn't another bridge to be crossed at some point in the future.

Love you D.

 

[MajorR]

I lost an uncle to suicide 35 years ago and it still seems unreal.

More recently though, my eldest son who’s in his early 20’s has lost 2 friends to suicide. On the first occasion, a 15 year old boy took his own life, he was a really happy young man with everything going for him. As far as we’re aware there was no previous self harm and the self harm was as a result of peer group bullying. The boy was a lovely lad from a nice family and it was a real shock. The funeral was huge, what sticks in my mind was the sea of young boys and girls all crying and broken.

About 3 years later, another one of my son’s friends took his own life. I knew the family and had worked with the dad - they were tidy people. This young lad had suffered a little bit of depression, but nobody anticipated this.

I have to admit I do worry about my son, it’s clear the loss of 2 of his friends has impacted on him. A couple of months ago he was walking home after a few beers in town and he came across a bloke standing on a bridge ready to jump in the river - he engaged the guy and the police eventually came and talked the guy down. That really shook him up, wifey and I worry about him and we’re waiting for the NHS MHS to see him - but it’s taking ages.

As a country, we massively under invest in mental health and well being. The last 10 years have seen a massive increase in demand for the MHS’s and there’s no light on the horizon.

 

[Darran]

Life can be a c*nt.

 

[waynekerr55]

My nephew killed himself at the age of 15. The fact that at that age when he should have been full of optimism and felt that suicide was his only option still breaks my heart and the guilt that no one was able to help him will never go away.

So sorry to hear that Clasey

 

[Darran]

The thought of the clocks going back next week is already starting to piss me off.

 

[DJack]

Some amazing and courageous posts on here, thank you. Take care all.

 

[rockinj]

Some amazing courageous posts here. God bless you. I’ve nothing more to say.

 

[jack123]

Quite a heart breaking read, a lot of those posts hit home..

I will say one thing though, the whole thing of this 'it's good to talk', but once you read that!, it's such a delicate subject, that for me personally, it sort of shuts the conversation up. Because you just don't know what to say, for fear of upsetting somebody.

And this is not me saying, I'm depressed far from it, I think basically all I ever felt is a little bit sorry for myself.

I really hope what I said is not, taken in the wrong way, no way would I try to demean what you fellas have said.

 

[TheLoneRanger]

https://youtu.be/tX8TgVR33KM?si=fS4Uj62FJmY9nUy6