Joke Thread

[Darran]

Beatrice's wedding was a breath of fresh air for Prince Andrew.

For once, it wasn't someone else's daughter giving him away.

His daughter didn’t give him away though.

 

[The.Taz]

Beatrice's wedding was a breath of fresh air for Prince Andrew.

For once, it wasn't someone else's daughter giving him away.

His daughter didn’t give him away though.

It’s just a joke mun

 

[Darran]

Beatrice's wedding was a breath of fresh air for Prince Andrew.

For once, it wasn't someone else's daughter giving him away.

His daughter didn’t give him away though.

It’s just a joke mun

Yeah but it doesn’t make sense.

 

[The.Taz]

His daughter didn’t give him away though.

It’s just a joke mun

Yeah but it doesn’t make sense.

It does when you’ve had about 6 pints

What about this then ?

We were so poor growing up that for breakfast we had ordinary K

 

[Muteswan]

If at first you don’t succeed...
Then sky diving is probably not the sport for you.

 

[BrynCartwright]

My wife left me because I play video games all the time.....

...what a stupid thing to Fallout 4!

 

[BrynCartwright]

I set up a nightclub for men with erectile dysfunction.

It was a total flop and no one came!

 

[Muteswan]

A man has been found guilty of over use of commas, the judge warned him to expect a very long sentence.

 

[Muteswan]

I just spent £300 to hire a limo and found out that the fee didn’t include the driver.

I can’t believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

 

[The.Taz]

Donald Trump was recently asked " do you know the difference between Sunni and Shia?" He replied " I don't know which is which but I know they sung I got you babe"

 

[Muteswan]

Bought a can of fly spray and sprayed it all over me.

I still can’t fly.

 

[The.Taz]

I walked into a bookshop and said to the girl behind the counter "I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare."

"Which one?" She replied.

"William, you thick twat

 

[J_B]

A Welsh lady , an English lady and a Pakistani lady are in a maternity ward after giving birth when a hospital spokesman informs them that there’s been a bit of a mix up with their babies and no one can be certain as to which baby is which. After a brief discussion it is decided that they will draw straws and the longest straw will get first pick and so on. The Pakistani lady smiles and says she is happy to go last so the other two can draw for it.

The Welsh lady draws the longest straw and goes into the nursery and emerges cradling what, even to those not medically trained, is clearly a Pakistani baby.

The Pakistani lady says “Hey, what are you doing?”

The Welsh lady says “I’m sorry but one of those babies in there is English and I’m not taking any chances”.

 

[Muteswan]

A man was seriously injured today when a pile of books fell on him.
He only had his shelf to blame!

 

[Muteswan]

On Monday we start the Diarrhoea Awareness Week.

Runs till Friday.