I feel for you. I’ve spent most of my working life effectively self-employed and it’s been tough, and not without sacrifice and understanding from my family, but I’ve had a wonderful career filled with experiences I could never of dreamt of or funded on my own, and I’ve worked for some of the biggest organisations in my sector so I do have experience of how these machines work from inside and outside.
That said, I’m approaching 50 now and being potentially mortgage free in the next 18 months or so I would consider parting with my left testicle to rejoin the civil service. They probably wouldn’t have me though but if they did I wouldn’t expect progression, and I’d end up falling out with them because of all the silly systems and feathering of nests. I’ve been told I’m practically unemployable and I probably best accept it.
Good luck and best wishes.