Joke Thread

[Muteswan]

According to science ALCOHOL is a solution.

 

[BanosSwan]

What's white, light, sugary and swings from trees?

A meringue-utan.

 

[BanosSwan]

What kind of bees make milk?


Boobies!

 

[Muteswan]

Store asks man how he intends to pay for his purchase of a new chess set.
He replied “Cheque, Mate”.

 

[Swanjaxs]

View attachment FB_IMG_1597588267913.jpg

 

[Muteswan]

I told my doctor that I had a problem with my right ear.
He said “Are you sure?”
I replied “Yes,I’m definite “

 

[J_B]

What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?



The second one's an elephant.

 

[Swanjaxs]

View attachment FB_IMG_1597601735663.jpg

 

[Swanjaxs]

View attachment IMG-20200817-WA0003.jpg

 

[Muteswan]

Just saw a sports car driven by a sheep in a swimsuit.
It was a Lamb Bikini.

 

[Muteswan]

I’ve got a new job making chess pieces.
I’ll be on Knights next week.

 

[Muteswan]

I saw a man walking down the road with a sign under his arm that read, “& Emergency “.
“Where did you get that from?” I asked.
He said “I found it by Accident “.

 

[Muteswan]

I bought a new shrub trimmer, it is the latest model.
It’s cutting hedge technology.

 

[TheLoneRanger]

A young man was delivering parcels to an apartment when a stunning young woman answered the door in her dressing gown.

He smiled at her and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked her dressing gown slipped open, and it was obvious she had nothing else on.

He broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact with her.

After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go into my apartment, I can hear someone coming"

He followed her in and she closed the door, she leaned against him, allowing her gown to fall off completely.

Now nude, she said to him, "What is my best feature" ? ?

Flustered and embarrassed, He squeaked, "It has to be your ears"

Astounded and little hurt, she asked, "My ears?? Look at these breasts, they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my arse is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, It's flawless and not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body are my ears" ? ?

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you could hear someone coming"

"That was me" ... !!

 

[Muteswan]

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the local school?
Don’t worry, he woke up after half an hour.