Joke Thread

[Best_loser]

You mean you don't know who it is ?

Who is it?

I will keep that to myself, as I can't be certain

 

[Robbie]

One of my children claimed I did not attend the christening .

That accuser shall remain nameless .

Copyright Milton Jones .

 

[Muteswan]

A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket, and thinks...
Some arsehole has my pen.

 

[Muteswan]

Got pulled over by a cop yesterday and he asked me if I had a police record.
It turns out that “Roxanne” wasn’t the answer he was looking for.

 

[Muteswan]

What is heavier, water or butane?

Water...butane is a lighter fuel.

 

[sainthelens]

Steak n kidney in Jamaica....£1.30
Chicken n mushroom in Antigua £1.50
Lamb n mint in Trinidad £ 1.70

Pie rates of the Caribbean.

 

[Jack12345]

Removed

This is a joke thread not a moronic comment thread. That is not a suitable remark for this site.

Not a suitable remark for some you mean, everyone knows it was a joke which was quite acceptable for years until all this political correct jargon stated taking over, and is the world any better, of course not, if anything things are rapidly going down hill.

 

[sainthelens]

Been trying to organise a cricket match for soul singers. Havnt got any batsmen or bowlers yet, but I think Curtis Mayfield.


Walks quickly to the cloakroom.

 

[Muteswan]

This morning, in the lift,I was thumped by a woman with big breasts.
I was looking at her breasts when she said,” Could you please press one?”
So I did.

 

[Muteswan]

Your fingers have fingertips but your toes don’t have toetips yet you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

I was going to buy a duck today, but I couldn’t afford the bill.

 

[sainthelens]

Batman hit me over the head with a vase and shouted " Tpau"
I said dont you mean kerpow ?
He replied No, its china in my hand.

 

[Muteswan]

Before crowbars were invented, most crows just drank at home.

 

[Jack12345]

After being told that my previous joke was inappropriate, i will now stick to harmless knock knock jokes as not to offend anyone so here goes.
Knock knock
who`s there
Adolph
Adolph who
Adolph ball hit me in dur mouff and i cant speak properly.

 

[Swanjaxs]

Man walks into the bedroom after a session with a duck under his arm.


Says ' see, this is the pig I've got to sleep with tonight '

Wife says 'your pissed you drunk bastard, and for your information, it's a duck not a pig!

Man, 'I was talking to the duck '...

 

[Muteswan]

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him quite frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him...
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.