Joke Thread

[Muteswan]

Everyone has heard of Karl Marx, but little is mentioned about his relative Onya. She invented the starting pistol.

 

[Muteswan]

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk in to give blood .

The rabbit says, “ I think I might be a Type O”.

 

[airedale]

A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre, so he gave her one.

 

[Ebo]

I am stealing a joke I just saw. Spanish football legend Xavi has just tested posted for Covid-19. The response? “Fucking hell mun, he could pass it to anyone”

 

[Muteswan]

Why does the army insist on wearing camouflage?

To minimise casual tees.

 

[Muteswan]

My wife said to me earlier “Why don’t you write a book instead of all these word play jokes?”

I replied “That’s a novel idea”.

 

[Muteswan]

Chinese takeaway.....£12
Delivery charge........£2
Opening up at home and finding they’ve forgotten part of your order.....riceless.

 

[WxmJax]

Got up this morning and decided to write a book explaining how a tornado develops.

I'm already on my first draft.

 

[Muteswan]

Got up this morning and decided to write a book explaining how a tornado develops.

I'm already on my first draft.

That will be a great page turner!

 

[Muteswan]

I saw Brendan Rodgers standing outside the Liberty for hours once.
I asked him if he was ok.
He said yeah I’m oytstanding.

 

[Muteswan]

Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped from prison?

There’s a small medium at large.

 

[Muteswan]

I was kidnapped by a group of mime artists.

They threatened to do unspeakable things.

 

[Muteswan]

What do you say to comfort the grammar police?

There, their, they’re.

 

[Muteswan]

An elderly couple were sitting in church and the wife said to her husband,”I’ve just let out one of those silent farts, what should I do?”
The husband said, “change the battery in your hearing aid!”

 

[Muteswan]

Someone complemented my parking today.
They left a little note saying “Parking Fine”.